Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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