I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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