Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
