my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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