When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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