The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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