I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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