I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
