Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
