my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
