Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So vagazzling was a success
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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