Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
