It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
