her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
