also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
