My first STD was from a foam party
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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