either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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