God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
