Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
