I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
