so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
