I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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