Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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