Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Randomize
