You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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