Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
