I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
