hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
