well you can't waste a boner
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I checked into jail on foursquare
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
