do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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