i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
