I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I looked at my own cervix.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
