I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
