so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
