I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
