Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
