my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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