I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
