no, he came in my armpit
and she was petting her beer can
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
