my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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