Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
