You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
