Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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