I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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