just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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