oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
