Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
