Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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