We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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