Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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