Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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