every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
