so explain again why im purple
no
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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