I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
