Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
