I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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